Could you ever really know?
Such hate wastes away the early hours...
Eats at your sensibility.
I stare upwards at the green entangled mass that is my room.
And I think of each of you.
Silver meets steel in the twisted embrace that is life.
Sickening.
Absinthe drips from my tap.
My sink overflowing with liquid muse.
Absinthe drips from my lips.
Artistic licence printed in my eyes.
My hues the canvas.
My iris the paint.
My lashes the brush.
My eyelids the easel.
Each time I blink a new picture is presented to the world.
There is a universe in each of them.
Or is that simply your reflection?
Yes…There is the answer to life.
Be careful not to stare too long.
It is so easy to get lost in yourself.
The gold of my christening bracelet catches the light, it flickers and causes me to think of you.
How I have hurt you, how I have loved you or simply how I have done neither nor been given the chance to.
My loves.
My friends.
I think of you.
Even the stranger who reads this, I think of you.
Could you find the answers to life in the tassels on your walls?
I think of how you will learn.
I think of how you will die, I think of how you will live.
I think of how you will love or never love at all.
Take the left or take the right it hardly matters to me.
I'll meet you on the other side.
The Mistress of the paths grips my senses and dawns on me the reality of my future.
Yet tells me not what to do.
Pathetically I pray for the answers which I already know.
For I wrote both answer and question myself.


I see the doves in all of your eyes, rising, rising.
Each single feather reflects the outcome of the past on your present.
I see the cerebella in your head, falling, falling.
The wanderings of your hands.
The wonderings of your minds.

Wonder with me at this beautiful temporary state known as life and truly forgive me.

Ashes to ashes.

Dust to dust...

I had to mark this down, in the entire English year this day has been the most perfect.

There on the waves, my heart falling and rising with each wave, the boat tossing us up and down mercilessly on our way to Capri, I’ve drunken so many that I’m as high as the clouds.
It is a beautiful day.
I smile brightly at my companions, leaning over to look at the water, my eyes swirl in that drunken rapture.
Suicide blonde is playing loud in my ears.
Swaying to the beat I decide to glance across at the other people standing on the boat.

Big mistake.

I catch a flash, someone is taking pictures?


I look around to see a camera pointed in my direction, but I can't see the face!

Slowly he pulls the camera down...



JAY!?!?!?!?


I stare in silence.

He stares back.

I stare some more, checking every face detail and mapping it to every picture I’ve ever seen of him in my head, they match up.

He stares still.


Suddenly he turns and walks away quickly.

I bolt upright from the seat

WAIT!! WAIT!!

The entire boat look at me.

JAY!!?!? JAY!!!!! WAIT!

I scream as I run across the boat trying to reach him as he slips into the crowds.
A thousand thoughts run through my head.

I see him going towards the stairs..

I run to him, my hand catching on the back of his chequered shirt, grabbing hold of his back I start to shake him violently.

"Jay!? Jay!? What are you doing here!? Jay??? Talk to me!!"

He stares down at me in shock.

"Che cosa desiderate? Ragazza bizzarra del blonde!?!?"

I stare back in shock, tears streaming down my face.

"Jay it's me.... Perdy..."

I let go and back away, the entire boat now just looking at me like I’m crazy.

I feel like I’m going to be sick...I know Jay can't speak Italian.

It can't not be Jay...It has to be...But it's not....I know it's not.
How cruel the world is.
I clutch my stomach for a moment as the boat docks into Capri, reality rushing back into me so fast that I can hardly stand, I turn and disappear into the crowds, my companions running after me.

Ok I’m really angry so I have to rant, and I’m going to name people too because I’m that damn angry!


What is with some people having this strange sexual desire for death in sex with gor. (not gorean, gor as in blood)
Not only do they want to hurt you, but apparently they want to cut you up too!

Wait till you climax then slowly slit your throat open.
Then spill all over your bloody corpse! Then maybe make a few more openings and fuck those too!

I mean there is enough of this shit on the internet, especially in hentai gor, it REALLY freaks me out and you just can't avoid glancing across such thumbnails while looking for a pretty angel picture or something, and what is worse is I actually know a guy who is into it! His name is Hakim and he was somewhat of a childhood friend, freaky eh?
So ladies if any you start dating a 18 year old chap in Guildford, England named Hakim, I'd seriously start worrying,

I mean I respect that everyone has their fetishes but really how do they get that bad?
I mean I thought necrophilia was sick enough, but at least the poor woman/man isn't around to suffer the ordeal.

I had to watch a snuff movie for my drama once, a real one that they based this entire play on and the court case surrounding it.
Had women getting pushed into a room being forced to have sex while the men were holding chainsaws above them, then started cutting them up bit by bit while still fucking them.

It just...Please someone explain how these people can live with themselves!?
I understand extremes, I am also a fan of taking things far but really doesn't there have to be a line somewhere!?

I understand the pleasure in the idea of killing, in terms of revenge or anger, that seems like a running natural trend that a lot of people consider but would rarely carry out.

But cutting up an innocent girl?

I mean I myself understand BDSM, it is about pain, pleasure and trust, but I can assure you very few of the people involved would want to be chopped up or chocked to death or beat to death or whatever.

I can see that it may be a weird thing to do with sexual power but really how can people entertain such thoughts? Let alone the actual actions!

I must be really naive or something and I wish someone would explain it to me as I can never see something like this as right, as much as I respect other peoples fantasies.